I didn’t notice it all at once. That's really the part that still eats at me the most.
At the time, my kids were growing, they were playful, loud, messy…normal. My son is now 10. My daughters are 12 and 15. But back then, the changes crept in over months. Slow enough to explain away. Easy enough to dismiss when you’re working long days and just trying to keep the family intact.
My wife and I were drowning in the throes of worklife and taking care of a live-in, ailing family member all while trying to be the best parents possible.
Looking back, the nutritional signs were there. All three of them were experiencing it. We just didn’t connect the dots until we hit a breaking point.
The Tiredness That Crept In
It wasn’t exhaustion. Not at first. It was sluggishness & fatigue. Heavy feet. Longer pauses on the couch after school. Less interest in the things they used to love.
My oldest daughter, who dances ballet and is on her school's competitive dance team, started sleeping restlessly. She’d wake up tired, anxious and emotionally raw. One afternoon, I found her curled up in bed, crying uncontrollably. Not about anything specific. Just overwhelmed by the weight of life.
She was confused. I was worse. I didn't know how to comfort her.
I remembered sinking into the mattress next to her thinking: what am I missing and how can I make it better?
The Skin Stuff We Couldn’t Fix
A few months back, I noticed my son licking his fingers throughout the day. It seemed like an odd thing to do considering they weren't covered in melted chocolate. I checked his hands, they were so dry and chafed that they cracked. It appeared that we were dealing with some sort of dermatologic condition. We'd slap on Aquaphor every night, it was like throwing lotion into a black hole. His lips were also chapped and peeling and no matter how much water he drank or chapstick we applied, it didn’t improve much. In addition, his nails became brittle and slightly yellowed.
I didn’t take it too seriously until his friends in his Krav Maga class started pointing it out. His hands were so rough they snagged on his gi during class, and when I heard another kid call him “sandpaper hands”, it broke my heart. I melted into the cold metal bleacher and felt shame watching them avoid being paired-up with him. I witnessed the rejection slam his spirit harder than a two-legged take down. That’s when it really hit me differently.
Mood Changes We Called A Phase
We told ourselves it was just a phase. Kids grow. Hormones change. School gets harder. Life gets heavier. It's just part of the process and all kids go through it…right?
My wife and I were so exhausted. Focused on bills, schedules, plain old survival. We hoped the signs would fix themselves if we just stayed the course, but they didn’t.
About six months ago, my younger daughter, usually bright and smiling, began withdrawing at school. When I’d pick her up at the end of the day, she didn’t pep up excitedly to tell me about the cool things she learned as had been her usual routine. She’s typically an outgoing student receiving rave reviews from her teachers during our parent/teacher conferences. She was
always eager to raise her hand. I thought that she may be experiencing some sort of nutritionally triggered mood swings.
As days went by, I brought it up to my wife, she thought I was overreacting at first, heck, maybe I was, but then the teacher's email came. Her teacher reached out to us, not to report a problem, but to ask if everything was okay at home. That message sat heavy in my chest.
One evening, after the kids were asleep, my wife and I sat up talking. Then arguing. Then blaming each other. Not cruelly, but honestly. We had the kind of conversation where the realization stings…because we missed something important. We ended up snapping at each other because guilt makes you do and say stupid things to defend your paradigm.
Sleep Was a Mess
Sleep became a recurring theme.
My oldest had trouble settling her mind at night. Even when she slept, she woke up tired. The fatigue fed the anxiety, and the anxiety fed the fatigue. It was a loop we didn’t know how to interrupt. Was this some sort of sleep disorder or just a result of puberty and growth spurts?
Years earlier, when she was around 8, we had taken her to a counselor because we didn’t feel equipped to help her navigate anxious feelings. The advice we received wasn’t dramatic. No big diagnosis. We were simply encouraged to adjust her diet, stop pressing her to explain what she felt and instead focus on presence. Games. Empowerment. Connection.
At the time, it helped. Later, we forgot how much those basics mattered.
It Was Happening To All Three
We had arrived at the moment that finally broke through our denial. Three kids, different personalities, different interests. Same trends.
Low energy. Emotional overwhelm. Physical signs. Behavioral shifts.
That’s when we stopped thinking about individual issues and started thinking about systems. About what they were taking in. About what they might be missing. Not in a panicked way, just an observational one to recognize the patterns and signals leading up to this mess.
We didn’t find answers overnight. Honestly, some days it felt like we were just guessing better than before.
What we do know now is that food intolerances don't usually scream at you. They can sneak in quietly, like mood swings or dry skin that won't quit. Sometimes it looks like behavior problems or just a sleepy kid who doesn’t want to get off the couch anymore.
Later on in our journey, after conversations, adjustments and a lot of reflection, we came across tools like 5Strands which helped us look at things from a different angle. We read through their site and decided to try their hair tests. It was the most noninvasive and affordable option we had found yet to date.
The results suggested possible imbalances in things like zinc, iron, calcium, omega-3 and certain vitamins. Essential nutrients tied to energy, mood, focus and growth. The stuff that actually matched the symptoms.
Seeing that on paper changed how we approach the situation. Instead of guessing or spiraling, we could have more informed conversations, make gradual dietary changes and pay closer attention to how our kids responded over time.
What We Did Next (After A Few Deep Breaths)
We didn’t move quickly or make radical changes. We’ve found that our kids have a difficult time adjusting to significant alterations to their routine. The last thing we wanted to do was make them feel as if they were being punished for something they did wrong.
Here are a few simple implements we tried that assisted our process:
1) Started a simple food, mood, and sleep log
2) Scheduled a pediatrician visit to discuss our concerns
3) Inquired as to whether additional lab work or testing makes sense
4) Meal planning & gradual dietary adjustments instead of sudden eliminations
5) Paid attention to how small changes affected energy, mood, and slee
We're still not perfect at it. Some weeks we nail the veggies & vitamins, others it's chicken nuggets because we simply don’t have the energy to put in the work. But we're trying and it’s made a difference.
If you’ve gotten this far and are recognizing pieces of your own family in our story, you don’t need to have all the answers right now. Sometimes the most important step is simply choosing to look a little closer.
For us, tools like 5Strands offered a noninvasive test to better understand how our kids’ bodies might be responding to foods and nutrients, without jumping to conclusions or drastic changes. It didn’t give us a finish line, but it gave us a place to start. And that’s exactly what we needed to to give us the confidence to know that we were making beneficial choices .
This article may not have covered the issues you may be experiencing with your children, here are a few links to other reputable sites where I have found content that has helped my wife and I along our journey:
https://www.rush.edu/news/6-signs-nutrient-deficiency
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/vitamin-deficiency
If we’ve learned anything, it’s this: paying attention sooner matters. And so does giving yourself grace when you realize you didn’t. Parenting doesn’t come with a perfect how-to manual. Sometimes it comes with hindsight. And you do the best you can with what you know…until you know more.
